Growing up...

I guess growing up is bound to happen to us all sometime.. some fast than others but then again some hold on to their youth party days and never grow up. It's weird watching Wyatt grow he changes every single day! His looks change, his habbits, EVERYTHING! And I guess I've grown up a lot this past year too it's hard giving everything up at 19 to take care of a baby. I'd be at the beach or sleeping off a late night this time last year and now a late night consists of going to bed after 8 and the only drinking going on is formula. I'll be honest I miss it.. But don't get me wrong I love Wyatt and being a mom even if I do it alone forever it will all be worth everything I have given up one day. These past few weeks have gotten really hard I don't know if it's postpartum or the lack of sleep and maybe even some PMS but I am mad at the world! So of course I dwell on stupid things and get upset over nothing and attempt to push everyone and everything away to seclude myself from everyone. I feel bad for saying "I can't wait til he is older" cause I know I should cherish every moment I have with him and I do I love him! And not everyone is as lucky to get to be with their kid every single day and night it's just really really hard sometimes and not having friends to relate to and talk to sucks. I wish people who had negative things to say would disappear because no Wyatt wasn't planned but I'll be damned if that little boy isn't loved with everything I can give! And outsiders can tell me "I should have done this.." or "he is a mistake" or "a regret" but it's not their life and I don't see Wyatt as anything but a blessing. Sure I had to give up a lot and lose a lot but I gained way more ( not just in weight lol) I guess after writing this it seems stupid to be upset because I do love him and I wouldn't have it any other way- I just want to sleep and wish some things were different. My friend Kelcie did an interview about teen moms and asked if I could give advice to others what would it be.. It would most definitely be to wait! Wait for everything! Sex, marriage, babies wait for it all because it changes everything! No guy is gunna stay around for a baby for those girls who do it on purpose and for people like me who never thought I'd get pregnant it is still best to wait.. a few nights of fun changed my entire life by having sex with some guy I "barely" knew and now is nothing I thought I knew- it's hard we didn't love each other sure, feelings were there on my part but now for the next 18+ years for lack of a better word we're stuck with each other and some don't even get as lucky as that and never have the biological father around for their child. And yeah even in marriage most babies aren't planned but at least if you wait most of the time you won't be in it alone. But it has been done many times before and will be done more in the future so when people give you that look of disappointment and say " your life is over" you can say "no it's just begun.."